Night shift ends in 3 days, will be back to regular day schedule for at least a year.
Was my birthday on 28th July , one more candle added.
My sister sent one of the best birthday wishes I have read so far
"If I could gift you something in my life,
I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes.
Only then you would realize how special you are to us :)"
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Lamentations 3:37
"Who is he that saith and it cometh to pass when the Lord commandeth it is not"
-- Lamentations 3:37
Ah there it comes.
Here comes the bipolar swing again, a big one , goes to the sad pole this time.
This must be how bordering the edge of lunacy feels like.
A small family feud does the tip-over this time.
Retreating into my shell of misery , I start the self-sustaining manic-depressive cycle.
Looking at the world through narrow jaundiced eyes, fail to find any joy anywhere.
Of course , I do have family and friends trying to coax me out of it.
But asking a depressed person to come out of depression is like asking a diabetic to start producing insulin.
I do not have any reason to be really depressed, I am afflicted by the commonest of problems.
Hey , who doesn't have trouble brewing in their work-life ?
And does everyone get a US visa on first try ?
And who doesn't have family fights once in a while ?
And who doesn't have to juggle with finances ?
The issue , I think , is the fact that all of the above happened right around the same time.
I now take solace in the hope that it will swing to the other side soon and I will be back to my normal happy self again .
-- Lamentations 3:37
Ah there it comes.
Here comes the bipolar swing again, a big one , goes to the sad pole this time.
This must be how bordering the edge of lunacy feels like.
A small family feud does the tip-over this time.
Retreating into my shell of misery , I start the self-sustaining manic-depressive cycle.
Looking at the world through narrow jaundiced eyes, fail to find any joy anywhere.
Of course , I do have family and friends trying to coax me out of it.
But asking a depressed person to come out of depression is like asking a diabetic to start producing insulin.
I do not have any reason to be really depressed, I am afflicted by the commonest of problems.
Hey , who doesn't have trouble brewing in their work-life ?
And does everyone get a US visa on first try ?
And who doesn't have family fights once in a while ?
And who doesn't have to juggle with finances ?
The issue , I think , is the fact that all of the above happened right around the same time.
I now take solace in the hope that it will swing to the other side soon and I will be back to my normal happy self again .
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Can I get some sleep, please ?
F**king pissed at this damned night shift. Got to do it for at least 2 months every year . Sucks big time , coz I can't sleep during daytime . Heat and a lot of noise.
In this pathetic shit of a city , everyone likes to blare horns and want to go top speed in side alleys .
It's supposed to be a side alley in a residential area , you a***les ! Don't they know people like peace , more than the sound of fart growling engines ?!!
Has anyone here heard of a concept called noise pollution ? Forget the decibel meter , measure this damned noise on the Richter scale.
Especially auto drivers . Don't know what bloody vintage those rickshaws come from , their engines grumble like those road drilling machines.
Must be pouring 50% kerosene or something. Makes me have weird dreams about sucking their brain jelly out and squashing it. Dreams about disemboweling them all and becoming a martyr .
Plus , its hot as hell in the afternoons.
So that's the time the power goes off. Load shedding, i guess. Nice.
The gay sadists in the power corp must be having fun imagining sweat dripping bodies , when they flip the switch.
Top that up with loads of work in the office. I am really having a hell of a bad time these days.
Cherry on the topping ? Misery knows no company.
Ahh, power's back on . Sweat's drying . Will post this now and try get some sleep again .
4th installment today.
In this pathetic shit of a city , everyone likes to blare horns and want to go top speed in side alleys .
It's supposed to be a side alley in a residential area , you a***les ! Don't they know people like peace , more than the sound of fart growling engines ?!!
Has anyone here heard of a concept called noise pollution ? Forget the decibel meter , measure this damned noise on the Richter scale.
Especially auto drivers . Don't know what bloody vintage those rickshaws come from , their engines grumble like those road drilling machines.
Must be pouring 50% kerosene or something. Makes me have weird dreams about sucking their brain jelly out and squashing it. Dreams about disemboweling them all and becoming a martyr .
Plus , its hot as hell in the afternoons.
So that's the time the power goes off. Load shedding, i guess. Nice.
The gay sadists in the power corp must be having fun imagining sweat dripping bodies , when they flip the switch.
Top that up with loads of work in the office. I am really having a hell of a bad time these days.
Cherry on the topping ? Misery knows no company.
Ahh, power's back on . Sweat's drying . Will post this now and try get some sleep again .
4th installment today.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Goodbye Cruel World
Time to stick to family , they will always be there for me.
To all the others ..leave me alone.
Goodbye, all you people,
There's nothing you can say
To make me change my mind.
Goodbye.
To all the others ..leave me alone.
Goodbye, all you people,
There's nothing you can say
To make me change my mind.
Goodbye.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Rescued by blood
Somebody said it right "You are your own worst enemy" .
Last couple of weeks have been slightly crazy , with my bipolar disorder swinging my moods from pole to pole. For no apparent reason that I can think of, the demons in my head were gnawing away all that was happy and good. Making me feel like my grey matter was turning into wriggling maggots.
Here comes little sister to the rescue , a cold-blooded reptile when it comes to feelings , moods and all that sentimental bullshit. Knew I could trust my own blood , we were always there for each other.
She takes in all the information that I give her , then turns all my feelings into chopped liver.
Her input is all your feelings at work or play .
Her output is a cold-logic processed data flowchart that can be literally pasted onto a Visio diagram.
Some people are real shredders when it comes to all the fluffy stuff and you cannot help but admire them .
Moral of the story ? I have to place this thought in my head, and make sure it stays there ,
"Suck your own thumb next time , you wimp !! Don't you f**king lose control over your go*damn moods again , you as**ole !!"
Last couple of weeks have been slightly crazy , with my bipolar disorder swinging my moods from pole to pole. For no apparent reason that I can think of, the demons in my head were gnawing away all that was happy and good. Making me feel like my grey matter was turning into wriggling maggots.
Here comes little sister to the rescue , a cold-blooded reptile when it comes to feelings , moods and all that sentimental bullshit. Knew I could trust my own blood , we were always there for each other.
She takes in all the information that I give her , then turns all my feelings into chopped liver.
Her input is all your feelings at work or play .
Her output is a cold-logic processed data flowchart that can be literally pasted onto a Visio diagram.
Some people are real shredders when it comes to all the fluffy stuff and you cannot help but admire them .
Moral of the story ? I have to place this thought in my head, and make sure it stays there ,
"Suck your own thumb next time , you wimp !! Don't you f**king lose control over your go*damn moods again , you as**ole !!"
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